2012 in Review

2012 in review

By: Ellis Bamberg

You know, I knew from the moment I was born that I must be famous in some way.  There were regular OB nurses, surgical staff, and NICU doctors and nurses on hand when I came into the world.  Plus, I was too cool to be delivered in the women’s center and opted for an operating room instead.  (I’ve been told that normal guests never even see these rooms.)  When I finally made my debut there was a lot of fuss and then a photo shoot and lots of kisses.  I also acquired 2 servants that made a huge fuss over me.  I then took a 2 month vacation at a wonderful place called Northside NICU that I can only assume was a baby spa.  I’m fairly certain that all of this proves my celebrity status.

After my 2 month spa vacation my servants felt that it was time to return home.  I didn’t want to leave because all the staff was so nice and there were many lovely ladies catering to my every whim – pretty sure they were drawn to me because of my rugged good looks and because I’m famous, but I’m not complaining.  Though I didn’t want to leave, I agreed with my servants, it was time to get go home.   One of my servants chauffeured me home while the other one said she was “monitoring my breathing” – I’m not sure why she did that, but it felt a little like a shoulder massage so I didn’t complain. Once I arrived at home I settled into my master suite.  My servants had prepared everything for my arrival home.  I had a nice simple dinner and then went to bed. 

Now days I spend most of my time doing charity work.  I feel that it is important for celebrities to give back when they can.  My main charity is called “He’s Adorable” which reaches out to adults and grandparents in the community and allows them to see a beautiful baby, put a smile on their face, and allow them the opportunity to say “he’s adorable”.  It’s all about doing the most good and impacting lives.  I do indulge and enjoy good foods and long naps though I have become much more active toward the end of the year.  There’s just not enough time in the day! 

My servants are very knowledgeable and work hard, but I find that with all servants you can’t give them too much latitude or they will take advantage (I caught mine sleeping on the job before).  There are times when I have to be hard on my servants because they don’t do something in a timely manner or they do not serve my meals when they are expected. From time to time I repremand them just for fun (like you wouldn't do it yourself!).

It really is hard being famous.  For instance, back in December I visited a large white man with a beard.  He wore this red suite that was nothing short of spectacular.  I’m sure he must be famous as well because we were attacked by the paparazzi.  Thankfully TMZ and People were smart enough not to print the pictures.  I mean, come on, can’t I have a personal life people?!

Speaking of pictures, one of my servants said that I should do a professional photo shoot to show my versatility and become more marketable.  I disagreed in the beginning, but once the shoot started it all felt so natural.  The picture was actually picked up by this site called Etsy.  Maybe I should consider modeling since my first attempt went so well?  I know David Beckham is an underwear model, maybe I should do that?  I just know I do NOT want to model jean diapers.  Nothing screams desperation like modeling jean diapers.

2012 was a phenomenal year for me and I know I’m only going to continue to grow in the new year.  I’m now a nice 10lbs, am eating 5 oz every 4 hours, and sleep 7 – 8 hours at night (beauty sleep is important even for male celebrities). 

Happy 2013!  Cheers!

Ellis Harden Bamberg